Field-tested for: Monday mornings Cancelled plans (yours or theirs) Realizing your “vision board” is now just a “meme wall” Hiding from the universe (and also your neighbor Doug)

  • White hoodie with colorful text and smiley face design on a white background
  • Black hoodie with a smiley face and text design on a white background
  • Beige hoodie with a smiley face and text on a white background
  • Green hoodie with a smiley face and text on a white background
  • Gray hoodie with a smiley face and text design on a white background
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Born To Be Wildly Disappointed Hoodie

Born To Be Wildly Disappointed Hoodie

You can’t fail if you never had hope.

$65.00 USD
$65.00 USD
Sale Sold out
Shipping calculated at checkout.

Discovered in the lost and found box at a defunct Blockbuster next to a shattered pog collection and several broken promises. Early prototypes caused mild existential crises in lab rats.

Color
Size

Wear This When:

  • Wear it to family gatherings, corporate “celebrations,” or any event where expectations go to die. Great for awkward social functions, casual Fridays, or that first Zoom call of the week. It’s the perfect conversation ender for anyone tired of pretending they’re “living their best life.”

For People Who…

  • Pairs well with: Sunday scaries Doomscrolling “Sorry, can’t make it” texts Lowered expectations and microwaved snacks

Actual Shirt Stuff:

  • -Gildan 18500: Classic fleece so soft, it almost makes up for your shattered expectations. -Retro smiley and flowers: Irony never looked this cheerful—or this defeated. -Roomy front pocket: For your crushed hopes, snack wrappers, and existential dread.

Vibe Checks

  • Wore it to therapy. Therapist just nodded. Hoodie did most of the talking. - AGENT-321-DSP Put it on after a bad date. Felt 60% better, 100% more honest. - AGENT-616-HRT Wore it to a family dinner. Nobody asked about my life choices. 5 stars. - AGENT-555-FML

Deborah Said That

I only trust two things: gravity and disappointment.

– Deborah, probably

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