Sarcastic apparel for people who are tired of pretending they want to go.
For the socially drained, quietly rebellious, low-battery humans of the world.
Shop By Mood
Find Your Flavor of Done
I'm Not Going
I'm Not Going
People Are A Lot
People Are A Lot
I'm At Capacity
I'm At Capacity
I Used to Be Fun
I Used to Be Fun
From The Before Times
From The Before Times
Professionally Unimpressed
Professionally Unimpressed
Radical Homebody
Radical Homebody
My Face Said It First
My Face Said It First
Group therapy for people who would rather fake their own death than attend group therapy.
Savage Tee Society is for people who want to be included, just not summoned.
For the socially drained, quietly rebellious, low-battery humans who appreciate the invite and immediately hope something gets canceled.
If you’ve ever said “sounds fun” while your soul left your body, you’re among friends here.
From a safe distance, obviously.
Most Relatable Right Now
If you're not sure where to start...it's these.
My Favorite Group Activity Classic T-Shirt
From $29.99
My Favorite Group Activity Classic T-Shirt
From $29.99
I Don’t Trust a Goose With That Much Confidence Classic T-Shirt
From $29.99
I Don’t Trust a Goose With That Much Confidence Classic T-Shirt
From $29.99
I Was Told There Would Be Less of This Classic T-Shirt
From $29.99
I Was Told There Would Be Less of This Classic T-Shirt
From $29.99
Zero Patience for Nonsense Classic T-Shirt
From $29.99
Zero Patience for Nonsense Classic T-Shirt
From $29.99
Your Feedback Is Important Classic T-Shirt
From $29.99
Your Feedback Is Important Classic T-Shirt
From $29.99
The Bar Was Low Classic T-Shirt
From $29.99
The Bar Was Low Classic T-Shirt
From $29.99
The Adultiest Adult Classic T-Shirt
From $29.99
The Adultiest Adult Classic T-Shirt
From $29.99
Still Technically Participating Classic T-Shirt
From $29.99
Still Technically Participating Classic T-Shirt
From $29.99
What our customers think
Why people keep these (and don't return them)
- Soft enough to live in, because regular life is already irritating
- Fits like a normal human shirt, not a cardboard box with sleeves
- Print holds up because cracking after two washes is rude
- Says exactly what you’re thinking without requiring conversation
- Gets laughs, nods, or people leaving you alone — all acceptable outcomes
Stuff People Ask
What materials are your products made of?
Soft enough to nap in, durable enough to survive your chaos. Check each product page for the specific fabric details, because apparently “trust us, it’s soft” is not a legal standard.
Will I get a tracking number for my order?
Yeah, you'll get a tracking email once it ships. Then you can stalk your package like a normal person.
Do you ship internationally?
Yep, we ship globally. Check the shipping policy for rates—they're different everywhere because geography is annoying like that.
Where are you located?
We’re based in the US, with print partners in Florida and Texas handling the shirt magic, minus the wand and questionable robe.
For our international friends who also can’t adult today, we’ve partnered with printers around the globe so you’re not waiting three months for a shirt about your existential dread.