Field-tested for: Waiting rooms, metaphorical or literal Major announcements from upper management Every Monday Apologizing in advance for being right
  • Navy blue hoodie with white graphic and text on a white background
  • Black hoodie with white graphic and text on a white background
  • Green hoodie with a white graphic design on a white background
  • Gray hoodie with a white graphic and text on a white background
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Optimistically Pessimistic Hoodie

Optimistically Pessimistic Hoodie

Prepare for the worst, dress for both.

$65.00 USD
$65.00 USD
Sale Sold out
Shipping calculated at checkout.

First sketched on the back of a napkin during an “optimism training” workshop that ran out of coffee. The napkin later became a mood board and also a fire hazard.

Size
Color

Why You Need This

  • Comes pre-shrunk (unlike your dreams).
  • Perfect for ghosting brunch plans.
  • Designed in dark mode. Tested on Zoom calls.
  • ❌ Won’t fix your life. ✅ Will fix your outfit.

Fake Reviews

“Manifested petty, delivered comfy.”
— Petty & Thriving
“Finally, a hoodie that matches my burnout.”
— Definitely Not HR
“Soft enough to nap in during meetings.”
— Professional Over It

Specs (But Make It Petty)

☕ Cold Brew Compatible🧵 Bella + Canvas 3001🛡️ Slack-Ping Resistant🇺🇸 Printed in USA

Care Instructions, but honest

Official

Wash cold, inside-out. Tumble low or air dry. Do not iron the attitude.

Unofficial

Wear 3 days in a row. Febreze counts. Fold? Hard pass.
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