**Ideal for: Wandering off at corporate retreats All-night recon at 24hr diners Lurking in the back at “mandatory fun” Infiltrating small talk, then ghosting it**
  • Black t-shirt with white text on a white background
  • Black t-shirt with white text on a white background
  • Gray t-shirt with white text on a white background
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FIELD UNIT // 0401 – ACTIVE Tee

FIELD UNIT // 0401 – ACTIVE Tee

Report for boredom duty. Assume nothing.

$35.00 USD
$35.00 USD
Sale Sold out
Shipping calculated at checkout.

Reverse-engineered from recovered field gear left behind after the Great Slack Exodus of 2022. Rumored to be printed using a font banned by three major tech companies. Each one activated, never restocked.

Color
Size

Why You Need This

  • Designed in dark mode. Tested on Zoom calls.
  • ❌ Won’t fix your life. ✅ Will fix your outfit.
  • Comes pre-shrunk (unlike your dreams).
  • Perfect for ghosting brunch plans.

Fake Reviews

“Pairs perfectly with cold brew and bad decisions.”
— Snack-Motivated
“My camera-off chic just leveled up.”
— Zoom Gremlin
“Manifested petty, delivered comfy.”
— Petty & Thriving

Specs (But Make It Petty)

☕ Cold Brew Compatible🧵 Bella + Canvas 3001🛡️ Slack-Ping Resistant🇺🇸 Printed in USA

Care Instructions, but honest

Official

Wash cold, inside-out. Tumble low or air dry. Do not iron the attitude.

Unofficial

Wear 3 days in a row. Febreze counts. Fold? Hard pass.
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