Field-tested for: Open office layouts Family gatherings, holidays, and cult retreats “Quick sync” meetings Any room where someone says “let’s circle back”
  • Dark gray hoodie with a graphic and text on a white background
  • Black hoodie with white graphic and text on a white background
  • Green hoodie with a graphic and text on a white background
  • Gray hoodie with a graphic and text on a white background
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Keep Your Toxic Energy Away; I'm Already Full Hoodie

Keep Your Toxic Energy Away; I'm Already Full Hoodie

Now accepting zero additional energy.

$65.00 USD
$65.00 USD
Sale Sold out
Shipping calculated at checkout.

Rumored to be reverse-engineered from the emotional shield of a legendary urban possum who survived three exorcisms, two HOA meetings, and one silent meditation retreat.

Color
Size

Why You Need This

  • Designed in dark mode. Tested on Zoom calls.
  • ❌ Won’t fix your life. ✅ Will fix your outfit.
  • Comes pre-shrunk (unlike your dreams).
  • Perfect for ghosting brunch plans.

Fake Reviews

“Pairs perfectly with cold brew and bad decisions.”
— Snack-Motivated
“My camera-off chic just leveled up.”
— Zoom Gremlin
“Manifested petty, delivered comfy.”
— Petty & Thriving

Specs (But Make It Petty)

☕ Cold Brew Compatible🧵 Bella + Canvas 3001🛡️ Slack-Ping Resistant🇺🇸 Printed in USA

Care Instructions, but honest

Official

Wash cold, inside-out. Tumble low or air dry. Do not iron the attitude.

Unofficial

Wear 3 days in a row. Febreze counts. Fold? Hard pass.
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