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Ideal for: mandatory “innovation” summits, machine learning mixers, escape attempts from open-plan offices, job interviews in the Metaverse, and casual Friday insurrections.
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Regular price
$35.00 USD
Regular price
Sale price
$35.00 USD
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Traced to a corrupted file hidden in the firmware of a Roomba with a caffeine addiction. Last modified during a WiFi blackout. Phil swears the code spells “HELP” in Morse.
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Why You Need This
- Comes pre-shrunk (unlike your dreams).
- Perfect for ghosting brunch plans.
- Designed in dark mode. Tested on Zoom calls.
- ❌ Won’t fix your life. ✅ Will fix your outfit.
Fake Reviews
★★★★★
“Soft enough to nap in during meetings.”
★★★★☆
“Bought one. Boss asked where to get it. I lied.”
★★★★★
“Pairs perfectly with cold brew and bad decisions.”
Specs (But Make It Petty)
☕ Cold Brew Compatible🧵 Bella + Canvas 3001🛡️ Slack-Ping Resistant🇺🇸 Printed in USA
Care Instructions, but honest
Official
Wash cold, inside-out. Tumble low or air dry. Do not iron the attitude.
Unofficial
Wear 3 days in a row. Febreze counts. Fold? Hard pass.
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